Hello my lovelies,
Have you ever let yourself down?
Have you ever promised or told yourself you would do something and then never gone through with it?
I am guessing yes, maybe it was dry January or you set your alarm to get up early then snoozed three times and made yourself late.
I have of course been there however end of last year I let myself down big time. Well my unkind mind has been telling me so… I had convinced myself I was going to Dubai, for how long I wasn’t sure but I was definitely going.
I did feel really nervous about going as the year before I had broke my trust with myself, with a trip to Thailand. I was meant to write my second book out there and stay for a good few months however only lasted 6 weeks and came home with no book. I felt annoyed and also like the only person on the planet who didn’t LOVE Thailand.
Anyway a long story short, I didn’t end up going to Dubai for a few reasons, some out of my control and some massively in my control. This change in plan has really impacted my trust in myself again.
I wasn’t aware just how important it is to trust yourself as I hadn’t really broken it before, yes maybe I had skipped leg day or texted an ex when I said I wouldn’t but never broke my trust like this before.
I have felt every emotion from hating myself deeply and really disappointed to feeling grateful I didn't go, telling myself it wasn’t meant to be and what is meant for you wont pass you by, which I do still believe is true but did I work hard enough to go?
Did I really want to go ?? or is it my ego having a tantrum?
I still don’t have all answers but I do know I need to build the trust back with myself. Every relationship needs focus, love and effort so I am starting with me but how do you build trust with yourself.
Can’t close my eyes and do the below hahaha
I have decided to go back and use my Accountability Calendar and schedule self-development tasks eg) workout in the morning, read daily etc, which I have to show up for. My hope is with each task I completed, I will prove to myself that I can achieve what I say. Building back up my discipline muscle.
(If anyone wants a copy of the Accountability Calendar – Drop me a DM)
Plus having this clear focus on something will get me out of this pity party, poor Dani who didn’t go to Dubai – Grow up 🤣
It does make my laugh/ impress me how the unkind mind can create such a story
“I am the biggest loser, who can’t achieve anything she says!”
Instantly forgetting everything I have achieved, the unkind mind loves to generalise, be aware of this as can become a slippery slope.
Another thing that’s funny is, it’s like my unkind mind has decided Dubai has gone, I can never go again! That opportunity will never return!!
When actually maybe the timing just wasn’t right?
And finally, the unkind mind has decided that me not going is in fact a bad thing however I am not That’s so Raven, unfortunately I cant see into the future..
Maybe it’s a good thing I didn’t go, maybe I am meant to be here in UK right now?
There is a great story about a Chinese farmer, which has really stuck with me:
A long time ago, a poor Chinese farmer lost a horse, and all the neighbours came around and said, “Well that’s too bad.” The farmer said, “maybe.” Shortly after, the horse returned bringing another horse with him, and all the neighbours came around and said, “well that’s good fortune,” to which the farmer replied, “maybe.” The next day, the farmer’s son was trying to tame the new horse and fell, breaking his leg, and all the neighbours came around and said, “well that’s too bad,” and the farmer replied, “maybe.” Shortly after, the emperor declared war on a neighbouring nation and ordered all able-bodied men to come fight, the farmer’s son was unable to fight and spared due to his broken leg. And all the neighbours came around and said, “well that’s good fortune,” to which the farmer replied, “maybe.”
I’m sharing my recent experience and the story above to highlight we don’t know what is around the corner and yes we can try to predict but in my opinion what’s the point?
Use that time to focus on you, build trust in yourself, focus on loving yourself deeply, go with the flow and remember what is meant for you WONT pass you by.
Lots of love,